One day last week, we were walking down the street. Our community often has a lot of pedestrians and bicycle riders, especially when the weather is good. Most of the town is a golf cart zone with a 25-mph speed limit because people use golf carts to get around town. A business on a downtown corner rents carts to tourists to cruise around town. We don’t have a golf cart and don’t need one, but we walk daily, and in areas without sidewalks, we walk on the edge of the street. As we prepared to cross the street that afternoon, a car slowed and stopped to allow us to cross. We waved at the driver, and as he went by after we crossed, he yelled out the window, “You two are so cute!” The driver was young. I’m not good at estimating ages, but I’m sure he was a teenager. It was a delightful moment for us. Some days, we encounter drivers who won’t stop for crossing pedestrians. We must be careful on that stretch of road because there is no sidewalk, and the street has a hill and a curve. People tend to speed down the hill. There is one school bus we know the driver will not slow down or pull over to give pedestrians room. When we hear it coming, we step off the street into the weeds to wait for it to pass. For the most part, locals are more likely to speed than tourists. People on vacation often are willing to go a bit slower and be more patient. When I ride my bike around town, I sometimes pay attention to the license plates on the cars driven by people who seem less likely to slow down and show some courtesy.

Our pleasant experience with the young driver starkly contrasts with the experiences teachers have reported to us. They tell us that since the pandemic, students have become much ruder, self-centered, and lacking basic manners. The CBC show “The Current” recently quoted an Ontario teacher saying, “Manners have gone out the door” in classrooms. Disruptive behavior, such as texting, talking out of turn, interrupting, and yelling, is a daily occurrence in many classrooms. Teachers who remember when middle and high school students could resolve conflicts now have to intervene because similarly aged students can’t seem to manage their behavior. It isn’t just that the students are rude to adults. They are disrespectful to each other.

The decrease in uncivil behavior is related to the pandemic. Many students spent large blocks of time at home alone, sitting behind screens. They could do whatever they wanted. They didn’t focus their attention in the same way that they had in the classroom before the pandemic. Since returning to school, they have failed basic self-regulation tasks. Students are aware of the change in their behavior. A recent study from Brock University polled students from the ages of 9 to 14. When asked whether they ever engaged in rude or disruptive behavior, they were far more likely to respond positively than when a similar study was conducted in the fall of 2019.

How students behave in school can indicate how they will act as they grow up and move out of school into the wider society. It isn’t just students who are showing uncivil and anti-social behavior. Studies show that adults also have become less likely to display good manners, treat each other with respect, and selfishness.

I am not a researcher and don’t keep up with the data, but it seems to me that it isn’t just the pandemic that causes anti-social behavior. The rapid rise of personal technology is a contributing factor. People use their devices to isolate themselves in settings where they normally would be forced to interact. It is common for people to be scrolling through their smartphones while at the table in a restaurant, sitting in a concert, or at church, and in other settings where they used to talk to each other. When I ride my bike, I try to be very courteous to pedestrians, but there are many times when they are startled by my bike bell because they are wearing earphones and engaging with their devices. I am amazed at how many people are so disconnected from their environment that they are unaware of a bicycle on the path.

It should be common sense that using a smart device while driving distracts attention from the basic tasks of controlling the car. It isn’t just a problem with texting while driving. Newer cars are equipped with smart screens that divert the driver's attention from keeping their attention on the road and what is happening outside the vehicle.

As has often been the case, dedicated teachers are rising to the challenge of disruptive classroom behavior. They are learning techniques to teach students the basics of civil behavior. Setting standards and enforcing rules is part of their practice. They also must continually point out how disruptive behaviors affect others. Many of the rude students are not intentionally trying to cause harm. They are unaware of how their behavior affects others. In addition to teaching the content of their classes, teachers have to teach skills that children should have learned in preschool and kindergarten. The failure to learn basic manners and civil behavior is not just a product of the pandemic and technology. It is also the result of parents shifting more and more responsibility from the home to the school. Lessons that should be taught at home are not being taught.

A couple of septuagenarians walking down the street probably aren’t that interesting to most teens. Maybe it was how we dressed or that we often hold hands. Maybe we reminded the teen driver of his grandparents. Whatever the reason, at least one teen displayed excellent manners and thoughtful behavior. His attention was on the task of driving and on what was happening around him. I hope others, young and old, will see his behavior and follow his example.