Living fully
13/09/24 22:09
The mother of a brother-in-law turned 100 earlier this year. She has always been a live wire, interested in life, full of laughter, and showing positive attitude. She was pretty tired after all of the birthday celebrations, but soon was back at her apartment and doing pretty well. A little while later the combination of her symptoms prompted her care givers to start hospice care for her. She commented upon entering hospice care, “This should be interesting! I wonder what it will be like?” She was referring to the process of dying, not to hospice care. Not long afterward she predicted that she was ready to die and probably would do so within the next week or so. She didn’t.
She lived on to enjoy several family events, visits from grandchildren and great grandchildren and no long ago received an invitation to the Governor’s lunch for centenarians. She replied that she planned to be there. Then, a couple of days ago, she worked with the staff of the care center to make a trip of a little over 100 miles to take her first ride on a Zip Line.
When we received the video of her riding the zip line we said to each other, “She is going to live fully all the way to the end of her life.” She will, I am sure.
Family members are a bit unsure how to plan their fall and winter schedules knowing that it is likely that she will die sometime soon. On the other hand, there is no way to tell when that might happen. Part of the process of dying is not being in control of time. And the interface between life and death doesn’t operate on clock or calendar time.
In our way of measuring time, however, today is our daughter’s birthday. We like to tell people that on the day she was born in Grand Forks, North Dakota, we were in Berkeley, California. It was the easiest labor ever. She is, of course, adopted, and we were so lucky to have her come to our family when she was a tiny baby, after having been in foster care for almost a month. Noting her birthday, is for our family, a very important day of celebration. She is one of the greatest gifts a family could receive.
In a surprising way someone a generation older than I and someone a generation younger both are teaching me much about the meaning of life. Both have a certain capacity to live in the present. Being present in the experiences of this life does not mean eliminating the past or failing to think of the future.
With 100 years under her belt, our friend has a lot of memories of the past. She came of age during the recovery from the great depression in the period leading up the World War II. Her generation, sometimes called “The Greatest Generation” provided the young leadership that was necessary in wartime. She lived through the struggles of the Civil Rights movement’s tumultuous years in the late 1950s and 1960s. She is witness to so much history. But remembering the past is not the same thing as dwelling in the past. Her delight in her great grandchildren is just one sign that she understands that her memories are only part of her story. She belongs to a family that continues to bring forth futures.
Our daughter, celebrating a birthday 30 years behind the count I have, has a lot of dreams about the future. As the mother of a five-year-old she is invested in his future, concerned with enabling him to get a good education and have good experiences in life. She is concerned about the world we are leaving for his generation. Being aware of, invested in, and hopeful about the future, however, does not prevent her from living in the present. Her delight in a piece of artwork brought home from school, a new blossom on one of the plants in her garden, and the fun of playing games with family all are illustrations of what it means to live in the present.
I am deeply grateful for the people of different ages who are part of my life. Having a friend who has celebrated her 100th birthday reminds me that even though I sometimes feel like I am getting old, old is a mater of perspective. It is quite possible that I have many more years of living and learning and experiencing life ahead of me. I may not live to 100, but I hope that I can follow her example of living fully for each of the days that I am granted. And I am so grateful to have friends who are younger than I, who are in the midst of their careers, who juggle care for children with busy schedules, who have a fresh perspective on what is most important.
Throughout the Pacific Northwest, and perhaps in other parts the country as well, there are several senior living neighborhoods. These generally are advertised as for people over the age of 50 and generally do not have families with children. They have supportive services such as lawn care, exterior maintenance of homes and such. They often have game rooms or community buildings and places for meetings and gathering. They may offer activities for retired people. These communities are not attractive to me at this stage of my life. I am delighted to live on a street where the neighbor kids play basketball in the street, where I see homes decorated for the graduations of children from high school, and where there are people who are different ages than I. I feel that I need the presence of people of other ages in order to maintain balance.
Zip lining, parachuting, and bungee jumping aren’t on my personal list of things I want to do. I’m more likely to be a person who wants a walk on the beach or a visit to a preschool or a picnic in the park. Whatever the activities, I pray that I can maintain my positive attitude and find things to look forward to regardless of my age. After all, I’m setting examples for my friends who are younger than I.
She lived on to enjoy several family events, visits from grandchildren and great grandchildren and no long ago received an invitation to the Governor’s lunch for centenarians. She replied that she planned to be there. Then, a couple of days ago, she worked with the staff of the care center to make a trip of a little over 100 miles to take her first ride on a Zip Line.
When we received the video of her riding the zip line we said to each other, “She is going to live fully all the way to the end of her life.” She will, I am sure.
Family members are a bit unsure how to plan their fall and winter schedules knowing that it is likely that she will die sometime soon. On the other hand, there is no way to tell when that might happen. Part of the process of dying is not being in control of time. And the interface between life and death doesn’t operate on clock or calendar time.
In our way of measuring time, however, today is our daughter’s birthday. We like to tell people that on the day she was born in Grand Forks, North Dakota, we were in Berkeley, California. It was the easiest labor ever. She is, of course, adopted, and we were so lucky to have her come to our family when she was a tiny baby, after having been in foster care for almost a month. Noting her birthday, is for our family, a very important day of celebration. She is one of the greatest gifts a family could receive.
In a surprising way someone a generation older than I and someone a generation younger both are teaching me much about the meaning of life. Both have a certain capacity to live in the present. Being present in the experiences of this life does not mean eliminating the past or failing to think of the future.
With 100 years under her belt, our friend has a lot of memories of the past. She came of age during the recovery from the great depression in the period leading up the World War II. Her generation, sometimes called “The Greatest Generation” provided the young leadership that was necessary in wartime. She lived through the struggles of the Civil Rights movement’s tumultuous years in the late 1950s and 1960s. She is witness to so much history. But remembering the past is not the same thing as dwelling in the past. Her delight in her great grandchildren is just one sign that she understands that her memories are only part of her story. She belongs to a family that continues to bring forth futures.
Our daughter, celebrating a birthday 30 years behind the count I have, has a lot of dreams about the future. As the mother of a five-year-old she is invested in his future, concerned with enabling him to get a good education and have good experiences in life. She is concerned about the world we are leaving for his generation. Being aware of, invested in, and hopeful about the future, however, does not prevent her from living in the present. Her delight in a piece of artwork brought home from school, a new blossom on one of the plants in her garden, and the fun of playing games with family all are illustrations of what it means to live in the present.
I am deeply grateful for the people of different ages who are part of my life. Having a friend who has celebrated her 100th birthday reminds me that even though I sometimes feel like I am getting old, old is a mater of perspective. It is quite possible that I have many more years of living and learning and experiencing life ahead of me. I may not live to 100, but I hope that I can follow her example of living fully for each of the days that I am granted. And I am so grateful to have friends who are younger than I, who are in the midst of their careers, who juggle care for children with busy schedules, who have a fresh perspective on what is most important.
Throughout the Pacific Northwest, and perhaps in other parts the country as well, there are several senior living neighborhoods. These generally are advertised as for people over the age of 50 and generally do not have families with children. They have supportive services such as lawn care, exterior maintenance of homes and such. They often have game rooms or community buildings and places for meetings and gathering. They may offer activities for retired people. These communities are not attractive to me at this stage of my life. I am delighted to live on a street where the neighbor kids play basketball in the street, where I see homes decorated for the graduations of children from high school, and where there are people who are different ages than I. I feel that I need the presence of people of other ages in order to maintain balance.
Zip lining, parachuting, and bungee jumping aren’t on my personal list of things I want to do. I’m more likely to be a person who wants a walk on the beach or a visit to a preschool or a picnic in the park. Whatever the activities, I pray that I can maintain my positive attitude and find things to look forward to regardless of my age. After all, I’m setting examples for my friends who are younger than I.
